Resolution

I think everybody makes the resolution to lose weight, get healthy or stop tobacco why don’t you hear people say I’m going to stop being such a jerk, or I’m going to stop being a cheater for New Years lol. It seems people always give up on them by February or March. I have made the same resolution for 11 years now thanks to my old roommate Will, he decided we would not do heroin and guess what I’VE STUCK TO IT lol. I know I’m a dork but come on it’s kind of funny.

This last year has been such a roller coaster, having Delilah after only 25 weeks of being pregnant (thank god I made it to 25 weeks) watching her struggle in the beginning and almost losing her, I am so very thankful for the technology and medicine out there to treat little tiny babes. My faith in god and in people was reaffirmed with having Delilah, people I didn’t even know (and still don’t know) amazed me with their concern and prayers.

I met some new amazing people I truly hope stay in my life forever, I reconnected with some old friends through facebook and I hope we can reconnect in 2012 in real life instead of just through the computer. I have lost some people I loved dearly and I miss them everyday.

I know there are times I get stressed out and feel like nothing will ever turn out right but it always does. Even when the world flips upside down and I feel the floor slipping from underneath of me I have such amazing people in my life who flip the world right side up and rebuild the floor under my feet. I know I don’t say it much but THANK YOU! I appreciate everything everybody does for me.

As most of you know I started a new career adventure, I am an Independent Consultant for Thirty-One, https://www.mythirtyone.com/VGerman/ in 2012 I am hoping and praying I do amazing with this! I have already started having fun with it and I hope that continues and gets BIGGER! (Book a party and help me out lol) there are some other thing’s I am hoping works out in 2012 but I will keep those a secret for now.

I am team captain of Little Raisinets for the March of Dimes walk April 29^th (please donate by clicking on the logo to the right) I hope to have a lot of fun raising money for our team. We have a Zumba Benefit in the works for March 4^th at Studio 215 in Holly. We already have an amazing wine tasting to auction off during the benefit and more in the works.

This year I don’t think I am going to make a resolution (other then the heroin thing lol) but I will make a promise to myself. I will hold my head high no matter what life throws at me, I will be more open with the people in my life, I will reconnect (if you’ll let me) with those in my life who want to reconnect with me, I will love myself more and live life instead of sitting on the sidelines.

Be safe tonight and have fun.

Hugs and love!

My December

I know it’s been forever since I have posted on here, but that just means life has been a bit uneventful, or there are thing’s I’m trying to figure out how to say thing’s and say them in the most profound words I can.

December 11^th I found out my sassy little friend Cheyanne past away. She was 8 months old when she past away. I met Cheyanne and her mom Stacy in the NICU when Delilah was born, Dr.Martin got Stacy and I talking, and it never seemed to stop lol. In the way we met I feel we became close rather fast but when you deal with what we did you get close to people in the same situation. I miss little sassy more then words can say, I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to go see her, I’m sad I didn’t get a chance to go to the funeral, but I am thankful I got to know her and have her in my life. I believe people are put on this world for a reason no matter how short or long. They are put in our lives for one reason or another, we may never see the reason but we know there was something and our hearts are forever changed by them.

Cheyanne on World Prematurity Day rocking the purple! 

Because of Cheyanne and Delilah being so early I met an amazing women with the most strength I have seen in a person. I met Stacy. I admire her strength and her faith in God, she has so many qualities I would like my daughters to have. I asked Stacy to be Delilah’s Godmother! Now Delilah and Aria have an Aunt Stacy in their lives!

The pins we are having made to wear for the March of Dimes walk in Memory of Cheyanne.

I turned 33 this year (December 14th) and my friends Becky, Carrie and Saera made it a great day! oh and Pam made me super yummy cupcakes! (I love cupcakes)

Delilah’s 1^st Christmas was great we spent time with my mom’s side of the family on Christmas Eve, both girls did really well even though it was past their bedtime. I tried getting Aria (2 ½ years old) excited about Santa and tracking him on Facebook. I think I was more excited then she was lol, next year she will be super excited I bet.

Full family picture with Mom and J

Delilah in her bumbo on Christmas morning

My stepson Ricky finally got to meet his youngest sister Delilah! Aria won’t leave him alone, which is awesome.

1st full family picture since Delilah was born

Delilah 7 1/2 months, Aria 2 1/2, Ricky 14.

Delilah and I went to go visit Dr.Martin for the 1^st time since she came home, she is a bit worried with Delilah’s movements and wanted to send her for am MIR to check her brain. Dr.Martin says Delilah is moving her arms to jerky and without purpose, so she is concerned it could be a form of CP (cerebral palsy) I am not worried and I told her to stop messing with my baby lol. We go for a 6 month adjusted age appointment in February so we will see what’s going on then. If she still moves that way we will have to get a MRI, if there is anything wrong we will start physical therapy.

Well that’s all I got for now (I think)

Hugs and love

lol had to share this picture, Rick and Aria "sleeping" with the new Kentucky blankets we got from Johnny and Laura. 

faith

In my life I have had my ups and downs, I lost my older brother in 1995 very suddenly he was the 1^st person I knew (personally) to die who wasn’t old (which is what happened when your old). My dad was less than a year in 1996 later no one knew what to think of his suicide. Saturday December 10^th (tomorrow) my dad would have turned 60 I miss him so much.

As you all know reading this blog we had a very hard time with my pregnancies and after was scarier then being pregnant. We had a miscarriage in May of 2010 that not many people know about I think of that baby everyday.

We have had (like everybody) financial ups and a down, relationship ups and downs just crazy life stuff that happens to us all. But the one thing I never lose sight of is faith.

Having faith that everything will be ok no matter how stressful life gets is what’s gotten me through my crazy life.

I was on facebook when I saw a post for a Youtube video, now I don’t normally watch these video’s but I had seen a lot of my friends had posted this once certain video so I figured ok ill watch it. There are no words just a young man and index cards, maybe it was the timing of me watching the video but I cried (yes I’m more emotional now I had my girls) but his message was what I needed to hear at that moment. I’m going to try and share the link on my blog (wish my luck I do it right)

With out all the stress and the craziness, the ups and downs losing people I love so much having to deal with scary micro preemie NICU insanity I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t have met the people I have met. So I have faith God has a plan for me and it’s bigger then what I can see in front of me.

So if your ever sad of feeling depressed and you need someone to talk to I am here! I love you all (even if I don’t know you) Hugs and love!


http://youtu.be/0dgadTcVu60 I hope i did this right watch the video :)

Such a slacker

Today was the 2^nd round of Synergist for Delilah to protect her from lungs RSV, she got weighed and we found out she is 10lbs 12oz she is 7 months old (corrected age 3 ½ months). I was wondering how big Aria was at this age so I pulled out her baby book and realized how much of a slacker I am. I stopped writing in her book at 5 months. What is wrong with me? How can I have stopped writing in her book at 5 months she weighed 8lbs 1oz. I did find her 6month sheet from the Dr and she weighed 9lbs 8.8oz. hahahaha I have pictures of Aria in her book I just didn’t write in it.

I am also sad I haven’t made a book for Delilah. How many of use actually look at our baby books when we grow up?

So since this is kind of my baby book for Delilah let me tell you about her silliness! Today she sat up just holding my finger while at the doctors, we have tried veggies with her and she has NO interest in them she does do well with her oatmeal just no veggies. We will try again in a week or so; I’m sure she’s going to be just like her sister and HATE veggie and only like fruit. Aria could eat a whole cantaloupe if I let her.

Delilah loves her exasaucer but hates laying down, I think she gets mad cause she can’t see everything she wants to see. Darn world goes away and the ceiling is BORING! Funny how we think we know what our kids are thinking lol

Going through Aria’s baby book i saw this and wanted to share it with everyone.

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” 
― Shel Silverstein

Well guess that’s it for now, I am so not witty on paper. (or computer) I have so many funny thing’s I think to say as I drive or shower, just not when I’m anywhere I can put it down lol

Hugs and love <3

March of Dimes

This may sound dumb but you know I never knew anything about preeclampsia, or HELP syndrome, and to be even more honest I didn’t even know I had HELP syndrome with Aria until I got pregnant with Delilah.

There is so much that happened with each pregnancy that nobody knows about. It’s hard to talk about and even to remember all the details. All I knew with Aria was I couldn’t see her for 2-3 days and I was hooked up to a ton of thing’s. I found out later I was almost dead how scary is that to hear?

I have decided to do something to help people to get educated on preemie I am going to walk in the March of Dimes at Kensington in Milford. On April 29^th so far I know I have a great team and I hop it gets bigger. We have a lot of great ideas on fundraisers it’s going to be a lot of fun. if you’d like to join our team follow the link below. If you can't walk with us, please help by donating to our team. You can do so right on this page. Thank you for helping us give all babies a healthy start!

http://www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1759986

Amazed

I am still amazed Delilah is doing so great! We were ready for so much craziness and the worst case you could imagine (i don't like saying the words we heard) Delilah weighs 9lbs 3oz :) Delilah just got her 1st Cinergist shot yesterday, she will have to get them for 7 months and what Cinergist is for: it helps protect her little lungs fro RSV What is respiratory syncytial virus (RSV)?
RSV is the most common cause of bronchiolitis (inflammation of the lower airways) and pneumonia in babies. It is an illness that often occurs in yearly outbreaks in communities and in newborn intensive care units (NICUs). In the United States, RSV is more common in winter and spring months.

But back to her weight! can you believe that May 5th 2011 I gave birth to a 1Lbs 3Oz baby? where she is at is like 9 of my kids lol :) Delilah would be 2 months right now is she was born full term and from what i read online she is right on track as to her development.

It is hard sometimes for me to remember she's not a 5 month old baby, i mean yes she's 5 (almost 6) months old but i really have to remind myself she should only be 2 months old. It's so fun watching her grow and learn new thing's I can not wait for next year and I can see Aria and Delilah playing together :)

When I grow up!

Having a preemie is a roller coaster most people would never stand in line to ride, but my life has been on this ride two times as most of you know. Yes I wished I could have gone full term with both of my miracles but that’s just not what god had planned. Delilah has been home now for 2 months 1 week and 5days yet it seems so much longer! There are days I forget what it was like to be in the NICU but some days I’m flooded with the memories and I thank god everyday my teeny tiny survived all she did.

I wish there was something I could do for the staff of the NICU at St.Joe’s I know they were doing their jobs but them doing their jobs saved my baby! They gave me something I was told I never would have and now I have 2 beautiful tiny girls who melt my soul! Anyone who has had to spend time in the NICU (in any NICU) can tell you, they felt more alone in their lives. Even when family and friends and amazing support systems surround you, you feel alone and helpless I have friends who have been in the NICU (I met two very close friends in there) but you still alone every body goes through something so different and scary but all you can do is be there for each other.

Delilah is doing so amazing! She makes me laugh her little body wants to stand up and dance around like her big sister Aria, but she’s still learning to hold her head up but once she does I think she will go nuts in the bouncer saucer! I cant wait for next summer to see my two girls playing together!

Recently I have been thinking about my life and what I want to do with it (sad I know I’m almost 33 and I still don’t know what I want do when I grow up lol) but I think I have figures it out but I don’t even know where to start, I want to help the parents well families who have been in the NICU. I would love to have a gym for kids (like a gymbore) but so kids who are smaller then most or have special needs, I want a place where they don’t see there walker or wheelchair, I want them to be able to play and grow. I also want the parents, grandparent and other siblings to have other people in their situation to talk to. Maybe not talk about what’s going on with the kids but just new friends.

I have seen so many parents with sick kids taking them to a billion appointments a month they have no time for friends and sometimes I feel the other kids feel like they are pushed to the side, this would give them a place to be with other kids in their situation, and maybe have therapist (consolers) to talk to.

But how do I do this? Where do I even start? Does anyone know?

12 days away

Today Delilah is 3 months old and 12 days away from her due date, so August 17^th I will officially have a newborn LOL! Yes I find amusement in this. Wednesday she weighed 4lbs 10oz! Sorry I haven’t posted on here in awhile but I was waiting for they oxygen and monitor to come off and update after she was home for a few weeks.

listening to Johnny Cash lullabys

So since we have been home: well she went into the ER last Friday since her temp got down to 94.3 YIKES! She wouldn’t eat and was being very lazy, yes preemies are lazy babies to begin with but she has a lot of awake time and would not wake up.

Let me tell you it is very over whelming having a tiny baby in the ER, as soon as I got her temp put of my mouth they swarmed us. Which Is great but kind of scary too, they did a lot of blood work but that all came back perfect. They admitted her back into the NICU started an IV, did a spinal tap, ummm MORE blood work and still everything came back they thought maybe she just dropped her temp and couldn’t get it back up on her own but nope that wasn’t the case. They kept her tell Wednesday the 3^rd tell she got better, we are guessing she got a little virus of some kind (none of us are sick so its scary) now I annoy the crap put of her checking her temp before every feeding and she is bundled up to keep her good and warm.

me trying to get a picture of there heads by each other

On the plus side while she was in the hospital she got taken off the monitor and the oxygen YAY!!!!!!!! I love looking at her sweet little face without the crap up her nose! She has chubby little cheeks and man can that little girl cry! If you don’t have her food ready when she wants it lol watch out! Like right now, now she is fed and sleeping again, which I should do, but I made the mistake of napping at 3pm today.

While Delilah was in the hospital she had her eyes looked at again and the ROP is going away very nicely on it’s own, the goal is a month after her due date that it be gone.

silly girls

Aria still loves her little sister, she has some moments that she gets a little snotty but she’s also been center of attention for 2 years but all in all she’s being a great big sister and a big helper. When Delilah cry’s Aria will say it’s ok Delilah! OH the 1^st night home Delilah’s monitor went off and I heard Aria in her room (at like 3am) “Ok Ok Delilah stop”. She will stand on her chair or her stool next to the bassinet and sing twinkle twinkle little star to Delilah and tell her stories, she has to kiss her good night or she throws a fit lol I hope they love each other this month as they get older.

Why are you taking this picture mom? i want to sleep

Hugs and love

No more NICU!

As most of you know today is the day Delilah came home! I told the doctors I was not ready after what happened yesterday, but it happened for a reason she got an extra little boost by getting her blood transfusion and did amazing with her car seat test once Martha realized she did so bad yesterday cause the pink head rest we brought in to hold her head still. It made her neck go to far down and made it to where she couldn’t breathe.

Dr.Martin and Delilah Without the Doctor we wouldnt have Delilah

The car ride home was great for Delilah lol she did amazing Rick on the other hand I thought was going to have a heart attack with all the stupid people on the road. But we made it and had a little welcoming committee my friend (and neighbor) Amanda and her 2 youngest kids came out and met us, they waved to Delilah as we walked past and told us how cute she was.

Rick and his two favorite girls

My mom was here with Aria waiting for us to get home, I wish we caught the look on Arias face when she saw her sister for the first time. It was so cute to see how excited and happy she was. Aria kept saying, “Oh there you are Lilah”. (Like phineas and Ferb do with Perry lol) Aria was a big help when I fed Delilah she watched me to make sure I did it right lol and she even helped me burp her. Aria is super excited to be a big sister, she was so good that when we told her to step back and let Delilah sleep she did. She helped me change the diaper (well told me how stinky it was haha)

Aria checking on Delilah

It’s bitter sweet leaving the NICU the nurses became like family to me we had the same ones most of the time so I got to talk to them and get to know them on a personal level. I made another really good friend in there, Stacy and her sassy little baby who we pray for and ask you do too it’s sad to leave them but we text and facebook to keep in touch. Plus once her little sassy chick gets home our girls will have to have a play date instead of setting off monitors at each other lol

Rick getting his snuggles in the camo chair :)

Well it’s time for a bottle so I should get off here. Ill still keep everybody updated on Delilah and all our crazyness with micro preemies.  Tomorrow is another eye appointment to make sure the ROP is still going away.

Hugs and Love

Me and my girls

supposed to be

Today was supposed to be the day Delilah came home, we were all set. Signed all the discharge papers, met with the equipment people for the oxygen and monitor, had Delilah all dressed in her coming home outfit, Rick was pulling the car around and had Delilah buckled into the car seat. I was sitting there talking to my nurse and Dr.Martin when we all noticed Delilah was looking a funny color then the heart monitor went off. I am telling you that was the worst sound ever! I can deal with the monitors in the NICU but this was so freaking loud.

was her coming home outfit, she'll get another one for tomorrow.

So Dr.Martin grabbed her out of her seat and said “that’s it I’m canceling discharge” I was a wreck anyways and happy they canceled discharge. Once we got her all situated back in her bed and I think I was calmed down (I was still shacking) Dr.Pompati came in and asked what had happened said he thought she would need a blood transfusion, came back 5minutes later and said yup blood is on its way.

They say she should come home tomorrow but to be honest right now I am terrified and would be ok if she stayed in there a few more weeks. Don’t get me wrong I want my baby girl home with us but I am scared now!

Daddy and Delilah after we got her hooked back up in the hospital.

So praying Delilah’s lungs do better.

Hugs and love

Holy moly!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to scream from the rooftops and jump out of my skin. In the last few days Delilah has been doing pretty well with taking all 8 of her feeding’s from a bottle, she is doing real well in the crib holding her own temperature.

Wednesday we found out Delilah’s eyes were looking better, she was in stage 2 but now she is in stage 1! YAY! Also I was told to bring the car seat into the hospital so they can do they car seat test soon. What the car seat test is for those of you who have blessed enough to stay out of the NICU, they will put Delilah in the car seat hooked up to all the monitors still for an hour to make sure she can still breath while in it. The reason for this test is a lot of preemies have a hard tome breathing cause they cant hold their head up very well on their own.

When I went to visit Delilah yesterday evening our nurse informed me that Delilah could come home as early as Monday! She told me not to look surprised when I get told she’s going home lol which I gave her a surprised look and she laughed and said that look there is not allowed hahahaha. I keep getting asked if I’m ready for Delilah to come home and I say yes and no. Yes cause I have almost everything for her, we just need nipples for the bottles, bassinet sheets and preemie clothes LOL.

Yup you read that right preemie clothes, I was wrong when I said she would come home in newborn clothes. We really thought she would be in the NICU tell her due date August 17^th. So we bought all newborn stuff haha she likes to fool us.

When I called this afternoon I was informed they took her off the oxygen to see how she would do, and she lasted a few hours but had to be put back on. She’s just not ready yet. It’s ok that she’s not ready, I would only be 35 weeks pregnant right now so I am learning to be patient (how many of you are shocked and laughing at that last part? Lol)

So as of right now it’s day-by-day, waiting on the word that she will be coming home. I am supppperrr excited and terrified at the same time lol.

Praying she continues to gain weight, eat from bottles (a little better then what she is) and it would be nice not to have oxygen but if she needs it at home she needs it at home.

Also will you all please add my friends little girl in your prayers, little Cheyanne needs all the prayers she can get. Please pray that her lungs get better and mature, get her healthy and send her home with mom and dad SOON!

Hugs and love

Loving her pacifier :)

Cribs and bottles

Well nothing huge has happened with Delilah since last week when we found out about the eye disease she has. She is now getting all 8 of her feedings by bottles and she is now in a crib and holding her temperature.

Today her crit (red count) was low but she is showing she makes it on her own so they are trying not to give her another transfusion, they want to see if her body will catch up. With giving to many transfusions the body thinks, “hey I don’t have to do this so I wont”. With low Crit she is floating a little more so if it becomes worse they will give her a transfusion.

I am nervous for Wednesday, I really hope they find the eye disease is gone and she does not have to have another surgery.

We were looking at her coming home this weekend but I know that wont be happening since she's having a hard time with her breathing, and I'm OK with it. I know she's in the best place for her, I'm still hoping she'll be home soon but will see how her lungs do.

Praying for her eyes and her lungs.

Hugs and love

3lbs 9.4oz

The eye's have it.

Started today off really well today, called the NICU this morning and found out Delilah now weighs 3lbs 4oz and was doing really well on her oxygen she is still at 1/32 liter (it’s barley any oxygen but she still needs a bit of help). Had a great workout with Saera and Wendy, then work was ok I left half way through the day so I could see Delilah.

3lbs 4oz

As I was leaving work I noticed I had a missed call, voice mail and a email I say the email was from Delilah’s Doctor, Dr.Martin asking me to call when I could. Of course I called right away, not really thinking anything could be wrong since Delilah has just been coasting along with no issues I called with no worries. I really figured she was calling to tell me she was off oxygen again.

No Delilah was not off oxygen, she had her eye exam last night and the eye doctor saw an eye disease. I don’t think I was told the name of the eye disease but it was explained to me and I’m going to try and explain it the best I can.

As you all know preemies are born with everything being immature, depending on their gestational age (how early they’re born) as to how immature they are. Well Delilah was 25 weeks (15 weeks early) so everything is really immature on her. Her eyes were looking really good at all her other exams, so today when he looked at them he saw yes they are immature still (expected that) but he also saw her retinas were not growing outwards anymore. They had a line going around blocking them and they were getting blotchy were they stopped (the picture Dr.Martin drew helped explain all this sorry, no picture).

Since they have stopped growing outwards the eye Dr said he really thinks she will have to have surgery on her eyes. He is going to check her again in a week and see if they get better, (I pray they do) but if they do not look better she will have to be transferred to Beaumont hospital in Royal Oak were they have world renown specialist. They will then reexamine her eyes just to make sure they think it is necessary, if it is they will use a laser.

What they will do is laser the part of the eye where the retina has not grown (again the picture helped so much) she may not have peripheral vision as she grows up but it can help her to not become blind.

After I typed all of this I had a brilliant idea and decided to Google it LOL and here is a better explanation of what is going on with her.

During the last few weeks before the birth of a full-term baby, blood vessels grow outward from the optic nerve into the retina. In some premature babies, something interrupts this process. Then abnormal vessels begin to grow, accompanied by fibrous scar tissue that in the worst cases forms a ring all the way around the inside of the eye. "Fortunately, most premature infants do not develop ROP, and most infants with ROP improve spontaneously," notes ophthalmologist Scott C. Richards., M.D., of the Country Hills Eye Center in Ogden, Utah.

In other cases, however, ROP can grow progressively worse. Ultimately the scar tissue contracts, detaching the retina from the choroid, an inner layer of blood vessels underneath the retina. A partial detachment may allow fluid from inside the eye to seep behind the retina, enlarging the area of detachment and further decreasing visual acuity. Complete detachment of the retina will leave the infant blind.  Most newborn intensive-care units now screen for ROP with an indirect ophthalmoscope, a device that provides a three-dimensional view of the retina. The procedure involves use of a local anestethic and can be stressful to the infant. "We do our initial examinations," Dr. Richards says, "at 33 weeks gestational age or six weeks after birth, whichever comes first, assuming that the infant is stable enough for the examination." If ROP is present, the procedure is repeated at intervals of a week or two until the abnormal retinal vessels disappear or until the disease progresses to the point of requiring treatment. Four treatment methods are available:

· Cryotherapy, use of a supercooled probe on the outside wall of the eye to freeze portions of the retinal surface.

· Laser photocoagulation, which is more precise than and has largely supplanted cryotherapy. It treats the retina and choroid directly without affecting the whole eye wall.

· Scleral buckle, a surgical procedure in which a silicone band tightened around the eye helps to relieve stress on a detached retina so it can reposition itself against the eye wall.

· Vitrectomy, a complex procedure involving replacement of the vitreous gel inside the eye with a saline solution, and removal of the scar tissue on the retina. Sometimes the lens also has to be removed. Reattachment of the retina to the eye wall succeeds in 25 to 50 percent of ROP victrecomy patients, but only about 25 percent of that group can see "well enough to reach out and grab an object or recognize patterns," Dr. Richards says. "The disappointing visual results of surgery underscore the need for careful screening and timely laser treatment for patients at risk for visual loss."

We will be doing the laser Photocoagulation. Here is a link I found that explaine the surgery if your interested. http://www.mdsupport.org/archives/archives-laser.html

I pray there is a miracle and when the eye doctor checks here next week everything looks good, or at least improved (not worse) once we are transferred to Beaumont we more then likely we will not be going back to St.Joseph Mercy. We will stay at Beaumont until she is ready to come home since she is so close to doing that.

Hugs and love :)

3lbs 0.4oz woot wooooooo!

Saturday I got a call from Dr.Martin, I was slightly scared when the phone rang and confused at the same time. Dr.Martin was calling me to share some extremely amazing news Delilah was off her oxygen and breathing room air. She did so well for about 4 hours, but then she had to be put back on oxygen she is now on an 8^th of a liter but doing ok. She has a little trouble from time to time remembering to breath.

next to daddy's hand weighing 3lbs

Another bit of news Dr.Martin shared with me was Delilah should be home in 2 weeks!!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!! I didn’t even know what to say, all I could really say was ok! I am excited but nervous at the same time. I really hope she is off oxygen when she comes home cause I am scared having her here on it, but either way it’ll be great.

Today is the 1^st day Delilah gets to wear cloths she is now 3lbs! Tomorrow she will be 2 months old. She is now getting 3 bottles a day and hoping she does great with them. Dr.Martin talked about trying every other feeding as a bottle in the next couple days and trying her off oxygen again soon. She’s doing so good and catching on to everything so well.

wearing her 1st onesie

Today I washed the preemie, newborn and 0-3 month cloths I have for her, it’s not much but it’s something. I washed her swing, flower gym mat thing, bouncy seat and got the car seat ready. I am also scared of having a newborn and a 2years old lol I really hope Aria is ok, I know she will be but its something I worry about.

I am wondering why I said we were moving I can’t even think of packing this place up with out stress and anxiety. When we decided to move Delilah would be home mid-August so I would have the house packed up after Aria’s birthday party and before Delilah came home and we would be moving the week after she came home. I know ill be happy after I move and I guess I can never do things the easy way.  

I know it will be great I just stress about silly things lol

I cant wait for my littlest princess to be home

Hugs and love :)

Jumping out of my skin!

I got a super yummy Frappe from McDonald's today cause i needed a little pick me up after leaving work today, and that didn't do anything for me. What can you think of that worked for me? It was going into the NICU today!

I left work early due to not having enough to do and I wanted to leave and see my baby girl,so after looking a little pouty i was told OK :) I got there early and Dr.Martin saw me in the waiting room and let me in a 1/2hour early. I asked if we were still looking at mid August for Delilah to come home, and she said nope probably the end of July!

Delilah is doing AMAZING still! lol They lowered her oxygen to 1/4 today and upped her food to 24ml. She was doing really well while i held her, but towards the end of her feeding she got a little blah and I had to put her back in her "condo" usually the 1st day or two after changing her oxygen she gets a little wonky just trying to remember what she's suppose to do. But once in her bed she was perfect.

so I think that's all there is for today, and since i am ready to fall asleep sitting here I'll leave it at that.

Hugs and Love :)

Bottle and kangaroo time

What a fantastic day! I had a great workout with a very positive and motivated friend of mine, she helps make the workouts fun and to where I stick with them. Had a good day at work, and when I called the NICU today at 12:30 I found out Delilah got her 1^st bottle!!!!!!!!!!!

2lbs 10.5oz 7 weeks 6days

I was so excited I wrote on a piece of paper to show my co-workers while I still talked to the nurse and they started cheering for her! I was sad I wasn’t there for it but it is what it is, so me being the dork I am I started crying from being so happy and being sad I wasn’t there. She has amazing nurses who I love so much (not in a creepy way) they have done so much for us and been there for so much I just don’t know how to thank them for being them.

As I kangarooed Delilah (where she is stuffed in my shirt, skin on skin) I kept feeling this little sucking feeling on my chest, and hearing kissing sounds lol and it was her acting like I could feed her! I guess she LOVED the bottle. When I was leaving she was going to town on her pacifier again.

Kangaroo time with Delilah

loving the pacifier

This little girl amazes me and I know I said it so many times before but I mean really, come on! She shouldn’t be doing a lot of the thing’s she’s doing and she is! AHHHHAHAHAH I am so excited!

Ok ill stop bouncing off the walls on here time to get ready for bed and another day tomorrow.

Hugs and love

Moving on up

My 1^st week back to work was good, I started working out again and that has helped a lot kind of stinks getting up at 4am but it is so well worth it. We had  a great weekend, we celebrated on of my good friends birthday parties here at my house with a fire and cupcakes.

all clean and snuggled after the 1st bath mommy gave her.

Delilah is doing amazing still she’s such a tough little cookie, She is now 2lbs 8oz she eats 22ml every 3 hours, and she is on ¾ liter of oxygen. Dr.Martin said she might take her down to ¼ tomorrow. She getting close to a regular crib and got a new isolate today. I also gave her, her 1^st bath, which was fun. It’s been awhile since I gave a baby that small a bath and had to be reminded thanks to Michelle our nurse.

the new bed lol :)

The girls Auntie B (Kris) came up to meet Delilah today, which was really nice, I love when people come see her. I was also informed we have many people following our story and people are asking for updates lol it’s so weird to me that so many people care about us. It’s nice, just weird at the same time.

Snuggle time with mommy

Fun story yesterday when I called to check on Delilah, Michelle had informed me that our silly little had taken out her canula (I have no idea how she did it with how they tape it on her) and was chewing on it. She was going to town on her canula like she could get food out of it lol so maybe they will try a bottle in a week or so. So far she is just getting the feeding tube.

I cant wait for everyone to meet her, once she’s home and we are moved and settled in we will be having a come meet Delilah Diaper shower. If you would like to share this blog with anyone you are always more then welcome too, the more prayers we can get the better.

I’m so excited to when my baby is home and with her family. But right now she is with her family in the NICU and they are amazing people who we love so much. I hope they know how much they mean to us.

Hugs and love

Veronica

eat, breath, poop and grow

So the reason I haven’t posted a blog in awhile is nothing has really changed, Delilah is 1020 grams, which is 2.4lbs! She is at 1-liter oxygen and getting 20ml’s of food an hour so about ½ ounce.

Monday I went back to work, it was nice to be back and see everyone again plus I know I have 6 weeks to look forward to when Delilah comes home. So my mom baby-sits and on certain days Amanda watches Aria for an hour so mom can go to work. Yesterday mom was here all day so I got to go see Delilah and after 3 poopy diapers in a row (yes she filled them that fast) I got to hold her! I got 2 ½ hours of snuggles from my little girl, she was smiling and giggled at one point, I thought she was getting ready to cry but she fooled me hehe.

So tonight it’s more of just let her grow and eat, she’s doing so well! I am amazed at my littlest princess.

Hugs and love

I know.........................

I know I am impatient,

I know I am whiny,

I know I am a pain in the ass,

I know I am emotional,

I know thing’s are rough right now,

I know Delilah is doing good,

I know I am worried everyday,

I know I am ready to be back to work,

I know I want to be a stay at home mom,

I know I sound like I am complaining.

I am impatient and wish I could change that but I am like everybody, I want instant gratification. I am whiny cause I am me hehe! I am a pain in the ass cause I want everything and I want it now (hello impatient) I am emotional cause I am kind of stressed the hell out. Things are rough cause my baby is in the hospital and not in my belly getting big and letting me have a normal pregnancy. Delilah is doing amazing considering how small she is and how sick she was. I worry everyday cause I am a mom. I’m ready to be back at work so time goes by faster. I want to be a stay at home mom and enjoy my girls. And I know it sounds like I am complaining cause I am telling you how I feel and why.

There are a lot of thing’s I know but some it take me longer to accept. Delilah had to go back to the high flow canula and is up at 2 liters, Dr.Martin and all her nurses have told me that this is ok. It is not a set back.  But to me it feels like one and it scares the hell out of me!

They had to take her down to 10ml of food due to too much air in her little belly the other day, today she went up to 12ml and if she handles that ok they will go back up to 14ml around midnight.

When I called this morning Michelle told me Delilah had 3 of her events (not breathing) last night, which can and more then likely is due to getting to comfy and forgetting to breathe. This is normal for preemies and a hard thing for me to deal with, they say it’s nothing and such a minor thing she’s doing. To me it a huge deal but we also didn’t have to deal with these problems with Aria. Also she has no BIG problems so these problems seem huge to me.

This afternoon she was doing good and just sleeping, now it’s time to make my nightly call and make sure she’s doing ok before I go to bed. I can’t wait tell she is home, I know we have along way to go still and I need as many prayers as any of you are willing to give. Delilah’s lungs still need to develop and well all her little organs need to mature more and she needs to keep gaining weight.

Just called Angela and she said Delilah is doing great now, when she first got there tonight she was floating (little events is the best way to say it) a little bit and when she looked she was at 21% so she turned her back up to 28% and she has been doing perfect. Just praying she starts to handle it all soon and hoping I start to have patients even sooner.

Oh we also gave everybody permission to buy cloths for Delilah LOL yes we asked people not to buy stuff for a while since she was so sick when she was born. So now we gave people the go ahead but NO preemie cloths allowed, once she comes home she will probably be over 5lbs.

Hugs and Love.

P.s I wonder is any of our nurses in the NICU ever read these and think I’m bat shit crazy?

Delilah in her hat made by Tina @ Lovebug's crafty creation (here's her facebook page)

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/lovebugscraftycreations?sk=wall

She was contacted by a friend of mine Tina, and Tina at lovebug's sent Delilah some cloths I can't wait for to wear. She has to be about 3-3 1/2 lbs before we can start putting cloths on her but once we can I will post pictures ASAP :) they are so cute!

and here is Delilah next to Daddy's hand to show how big she is a little over 2lbs at 6 weeks old.

Strangers and Angels

I am going to start this being very honest; I have had a super bad week! I have been irritable for no reason, a bit depressed and anxious all of this is happening because I have no idea! Maybe it’s because I can’t see Delilah everyday like I want to maybe it’s hormones maybe it’s the lunar alignment who the crap knows what it is. It’s just been BLAH! That’s the best I can say.

But Rick only had to work a half day today so since Michelle our nurse couldn’t get to the phone when I call this afternoon, I decided I was going to the hospital to see my little, and let Rick and Aria have a day together which was much needed for them. So THANK YOU Michelle! (Honestly thank you).

So once I got there my mood seemed better, I felt like I was running into the NICU and couldn’t stop talking and staring in amazement at how big Delilah looks today. She weighs 1.15lbs today she is 5 weeks and 4 days old today (which means almost 31 weeks gestation) and is 13 3/4inches tall. When Aria was born at 30 weeks she was 1.15lbs and 13 ½ inches long. It’s crazy how much Delilah is taking after Aria already lol, I think they will have to put a “seat belt” on her to keep her wiggly butt in one place.

Here's my "big" little today.

When I left I was feeling pretty good, more relaxed at least I had told our Doctor when Delilah comes home it has to be a Friday or a Saturday since ill be back to work she laughed at me. Once I was in the elevator there was a very nice older lady who was excited she stopped at the baby floor, she asked me if there was a new member of the family and I told her my daughter was in the NICU since May 5^th and had a very long stay still. She asked a few questions (nothing to personal) and asked my daughters name once I informed her of it she said she would add her to her prayers, and the sisters where she lived would too. A random stranger was the angel I needed, and who knows maybe she is an angel sent to me to help take some stress away.

Then came the call from work, I had asked if I could come back to work now then take the rest of my maternity time when Delilah came home. I asked this question like 2 weeks ago I figured I didn’t hear anything back so it was a no. Jeannie head of HR at my fantastic job informed me I can come back to work (once the doctor releases me I go on Thursday) now and take the rest of my leave once Delilah comes home! I am so freaking pumped I will get 6 weeks with my newest little and Aria. This also helps with all the appointments I know will have, preemies have quiet a few follow up appointments after they come home.

I still stand by the prayer I posted a few blog’s back we have been very blessed in the last few weeks, and YES I do believe it’s the faith I have and the prayers I say and all of you have been saying for us. Since I believe in this prayer so much I am going to share it again with all of you.

“There’s only so much I can control please place your hands on Delilah and help her to heal her little organs to where they are healthy and strong, please help her to continue to gain weight at a steady pace. Please give me clarity, help, and guidance, and the peace of mind to let the day unfold just like it is meant to. I know positive thing’s are on the way. I surrender!”

When I got home from the hospital I walk in to see Rick and Aria snuggled up on the couch and her dosing off which I wish I could have gotten a picture of but her little butt jumped up before I had a chance to get near the camera.

Hugs and love to you all

Delilah is turning into a redish head lol her dark hair is getting lighter like her big sister Aria's is :)

somedays..................

Holy moly, I just realized Aria turns 2 in a month (as of tomorrow) I think I need to get on the ball and plan a party! It’s going to be a crazy busy summer we have Aria’s 2^nd birthday 2 or 3 wedding’s moving the end of August (that means A LOT of packing) Delilah coming home, we’re both going to be working and our house warming come meet Delilah diaper shower once we’re settled and whatever family/friend get together there happen to be thrown in the mix.

Delilah is bouncing between 800 and 830 grams she doesn’t seem to want to go past 1.13lbs right now. So can you all please pray she continues to gain weight at a good pace. So far she’s just coasting nothing has really changed with her other then weight.

Aria started saying Delilah’s name today and it’s so freaking cute, it sounds like Nahnah I can’t wait to have both my girls in our house. It’s so hard only getting to see Delilah twice a week since Rick is working I have to wait for a babysitter (usually my mom on a day off) so I can go, plus only having one car sucks but we should be able to fix the transmission on the Suburban soon I hope. I’m worried people think I don’t care about my daughter since I can’t be there all the time. But that is so not the case, if I could be there everyday I would. If I could be there more the once a day I would but with gas prices only one trip is allowed.

Hugs and love………………..

Out the nose

I know I freak out to easy with the things going on with Delilah but it’s very hard to deal with some of the stuff they tell you is going on. I called this am to see if they got the cultures back so we know what the infection is, (which that hasn’t come back yet) but I was told Delilah had food coming out her nose and mouth. This has never happened with her before so it worries me a lot. She has a feeding tube into her mouth and she did not pull it out and yes that happens, again not with her though lol so I am waiting on rounds to get done so I can call back and see if anything has changed. She has her events a lot more towards the end of her feedings which is when the spitting up happened this morning.

Now Aria on the other hand that little crazy girl pulled her feeding tube out many times while in the NICU, and once she got home she would have formula coming out of her mouth and nose while she slept. Only for me though NEVER for Rick which was annoying, I would freak out thinking she was having a seizure in her sleep (Mom and J had them) all we had to do was change her formula and she was great. I hope it’s something simple with Delilah.

She has been doing so good I’m just scared she’s declining, the nurse’s and Dr.Martin think I’m crazy cause I get scared from everything going on with her but though them it’s nothing since they see worse and she shouldn’t really be where she is for her size and age. She’s an amazing little that’s for sure.

Oh one fun thing I have been dealing with since Rick has been back to work is Aria’s fits! There a blast I think they’re worse for one simple reason, I put up with them Rick never did. She throws a fit when I give her food, no matter what it is she screams and cry’s no no no nonooooo but I learned something today and it might be kind of mean. Put her butt in the high chair with the food and walk away, not out of the house or anything but ill do dishes, fold laundry you know just go about my business and not really pay attention and she stopped and ate her food. TADA I can be taught hahah!

So today Delilah weight 810 grams, 1.13lbs YAY! The echo came back clear, so no more blood clot double YAY, they changed her feedings to 10ml for an hour then off for 2 hours to hopefully give her enough time to digest her food. So far they believe the infection is just a staff infection, and the antibiotics she’s on will do the job.

So prayers this infection goes away fast and stays gone, and that it doesn’t set her back in feeding’s or weight gain.

Hugs and love

Tough cookie

I got a call from the NICU and whenever that happens you hold your breath and try and figure out the tone in their voice. They found out Delilah has another infection, but we're not sure what it is yet they have to wait for the culture to finish growing to k now what it is. They are treating her with antibiotics and will change them once they know for sure what she has.

Delilah now weighs 760-grams, that's 1.11lbs thay had to up her to 2 liters of oxygen casue she keeps having "events" which means she has trouble breathing. she is still at 5ml feedings every hour. so other then the infection she is doing great, and dosent even act as if she's sick.

I have a tough little cookie :)

Hugs and love!