stress and no sleep

I guess I got to cocky yesterday not posting a blog since Delilah was doing so amazing, she had such a great day! They took her off the oscillator vent and put her back on the conventional vent, they took an IV out so she’s down to one not two. BUT at 2am we got a phone call that thing’s went down hill and fast.

Whenever you get a call from the NICU it’s never a good call, at 2am we got a call telling us Delilah had bleeding in her lungs again, (yes that’s what the surgery was suppose to stop) they couldn’t figure out why there was bleeding but it was minimal and they got it to stop. She also had a problem with her blood sugar it was really super high then dropped really low, this we’re told is very normal in micro preemies (which she is).

I didn’t sleep well cause I was afraid id miss another call from the NICU, they told us not to come down that they were watching her and trying new thing’s to find out what was going on with her. They found she has an infection in her lungs that is caused from the ET tubes (part of the vent) so she’s on 2 antibiotics for the infection. She is now in isolation she is in a room with 2 other babies that have the same infection. We have to wear gowns as soon as we walk in the room and gloves if we want to touch her, we try not to touch her since it stresses her out when she is messed with, we can let her hold our finger a little and she has a good tough grip!

While I was there today she started to become stable again, her blood gases were looking good and her blood sugar became normal. It’s so hard feeling so helpless and just being able to watch her, I want to hold and comfort my little princess I want to kiss her and make her feel better.

I do still believe in god, I pray (more like beg) almost 24/7! Delilah is 10 days old today and it feels like a month has gone by, this is by far the hardest thing Rick and I have ever gone through. I know in a year will forget how hard this was and it will become a little blip in our mind, but right now it takes all I have not to cry all day.

I have to tell you all how amazing Rick is! He is the strongest person I have ever known and he makes me stronger, with him by my side I know I can make it though this and hopefully with my hair still brown and on my head! I love him so freaking much and I hope you know it even though I have my times where I take a lot out on him (that he doesn’t deserve).